I grew up in a small town in Vermont. Our house was on a 2 acre lot in the country outside of town. Lots of farms with cows and fields of corn. We made maple syrup every spring over a large brick fire pit in the backyard, down by the river. Most of the backroads were dirt with fields bordered by rock walls. We'd go blackberry picking along them. A couple of them had old covered bridges over the river. We'd park by them and dip in the river on hot summer days.

 

 

The river ran through the backyard. My brothers caught trout from it. My dad cut down a couple of huge pine trees he dropped across the river. We used them as a bridge. My father would push a lawn mower across them just so he could make a patch of lawn on the other side. It was amazing he never fell in the river in the process. It was a family joke because every time he mowed the yard it would get a little bigger. Dad was proud of that yard.

 

 

There was a rock as huge as the house out back. In the wintertime, we would jump in toboggan sleds to slide off the top of it and down the hill to the river. When we got older, we started on the porch overhang to the rock. LOL, we were brave little red-necked fools! Luckily no one got hurt.

 

 

When I was young, my brother and I played in and on that river. We piled rocks across one area to dam it up for swimming. The deer came down off the mountain that rose up behind it to eat off the crabapple trees. At night we could hear the bears hooting to each other from one mountain top to the other. We'd go out after dark with flashlights to catch nightcrawler worms for fishing. They came out above ground and we'd turn the flashlight on try to catch them before they dove back into the ground to get away from the light. At the same time, we'd also catch fireflies in glass jars with holes in the lids for air and put grass in them. Then put them next to our beds to watch as nightlights while going to sleep listening to the river. We'd wake up to sounds of the river and the birds singing. Let the bugs out just so we could catch them again. I miss that now.

 

 

When I got home from school, I went down to play on the river. When I crossed over the bridge, it was like a teeter totter as there were no rails to hold onto. My world changed when I got to the other side. My invisible friends were there waiting. We played Cowboys and Indians or went hiking through the woods looking for animals like squirrels, porcupines and rabbits, along with deer. Forts in the trees that we played in. There was also an old trail we followed that eventually led to a pond we went swimming in with the dogs. A lot of dragonflies and butterflies to chase. Frogs to catch. There was a huge rock up river. It was half in the river and moss and shrubs grew on top of it. I stood on that rock for hours playing. I used the branches for controls of a ship. Sometimes as a battleship, others as a pirate. Lots of adventures and discoveries. Catch frog eggs in buckets to watch them hatch into tadpoles. Find salamanders under rocks. Watch the birds, dragonflies, and butterflies. Pick wildflowers to take home to mom.

 

 

You see, going over that bridge was my happy place. I usually came home from school crying with headaches from being picked on. I had no friends because of a rich little bitch who lived just up the road. It lasted for 8 years until her parents sent her away to tennis school and I went to high school. On my birthday, just before school started, my sister brought her to my house while she was babysitting. I asked her if she wanted a piece of cake but she said no. She wouldn't come into the house from just inside the door. My sister took her home and I went back to playing.

 

 

When school started I was so excited to make some friends. I was the youngest of 10 kids. My closest sibling was 4 years older than me and a boy. When I got off the bus on that 1st day I didn't know anyone except that girl my sister had brought over. I walked over to her and said hello. She curled her nose at me and walked away. She turned the whole school against me. At recess they would chase me around the yard threatening to beat me up. I'd hide in the woods until it was time to go back inside. They picked on me in class and the teacher ignored it.

 

 

What makes me mad even to this day is that after school, when she got off the bus, she would turn around and tell me to come to her house and play. I was a fool and went, thinking that we would become friends and school would get better. It never did. The next day at school it was back to picking on me like I had never been to her house. She just didn't have anyone else close by to play with.

 

 

I loved going to her house. She had a swimming pool, tennis courts and a music room with lots of different instruments. A dollhouse as big as us with real electricity in it. A barn for a flock of sheep and geese. They owned a lot of property. That's why I call her a rich bitch. After a couple of years, I wised up and stopped going. My mom worked in a nursing home and my dad was a truck driver. We struggled to make ends meet for 10 kids on a daily basis. I went to work at the age of 14 and gave them my paychecks to help with bills and groceries.

 

 

To this day, I can't figure out why I went to her house after school after the way she treated me at school. I came home crying with severe headaches most days. That turned into migraines and vomiting. They turned into chronic problems in high school. If I had one wish, it would be that my siblings had found out about it and taught me how to fight back. That I didn't have to accept it, to stand up to them, to put a stop to it. That I didn't have to take their shit everyday. But I suffered in silence. Thankfully, in today's world, kids are taught what bullying is and to report it. Fifty years ago, we weren't.

 

 

The headaches, chronic vomiting, stress, anxiety, and depression led to smoking marijuana. It was the one thing that stopped the vomiting so I could eat, calmed my nerves. I started drinking alcohol at 14 just so I could fit in. I left town right after graduating, came to Alaska and never looked back except for family. My drinking eventually led to other drugs and unfortunately incarceration. At the age of 51, I'm still struggling with alcohol and legal consequences from it all because one child decided I wasn't good enough. If I saw her today I would probably knock her on her ass, so I also have anger issues to deal with.

 

 

Today, I can't stand bullies. I won't put up with it anymore. I now stand up for myself and will confront them. If I see someone being ganged up on or picked on, I will interfere on their behalf. Show them it's OK to defend themselves. Especially for the mentally challenged or disabled. It's just wrong and I can't watch someone else go through it, knowing how it feels.

 

 

My favorite thing to do now is to go camping on a river or a lake. Just something about being by water, it calms me and brings a sense of peace into my life. Now it does the same thing for my daughter. She was an only child and grew up going camping, canoeing, and fishing with me every chance we could. In today's high stress world, I'm glad I was able to give that to her.